Day 26

Tonight my dad made corned beef and cabbage for dinner, with Key Lime Pie for dessert. Then, because I was in attendance and am the pickiest eater imaginable, he also made peas and rolls, with sugar cookies for dessert. For the record, I did eat some corned beef, but I wasn't touching the cabbage. Uh-uh. But! Like he does every Sunday, my dad fixed me a vodka cranberry, today in one of the red Solo cups he found an excess of in my Grandma's pantry. He teases me and calls me a lush but keeps juice and a big bottle of vodka just for me.

I find alcohol fascinating! Mixed drinks make me think of Professor Snape's Potions classes in Harry Potter- mixing powerful liquids to find the desired result! I read in a book once that cocktails came out of Prohibition, when the alcohol you could get your hands on was awful and terrible quality so they started mixing in different things to make the drink more tolerable. 

I didn't always like alcohol though. One fateful day, long ago, I sat on my mom's lap at the kitchen table. She was drinking a beer and I was indulging in a little milk.Well! Imagine my surprise and disgust when I took a massive swig from the wrong container! I remember gagging and retching and swearing off beer for the entirety of my lifetime. You want to know something though? I still hate beer. Vodka's great, tequila's nice, and bourbon's tasty, and ever since I a shot of it in Italy, I've got a soft spot for Limoncello but beer? HELL NO! Just... ughhhh. Shudder inducing. The closest thing I'll drink is apple ale.  

When my sister and I last traveled out to Tulsa, my aunt and uncle took us to an amazing bar called "Valkyrie" and I got to try.. ABSINTHE! Well, an absinthe cocktail. Pretty good, with just a little bit of a spicy bite to it.

You know the funny thing? When all my peers were partying in high school, I never partook. Not interested, hell, not invited! I just wasn't cool like that. For that matter, you wanna know something else? Aside from my doctor-prescribed meds and cold medicines and the like, I've never done drugs. Not once! And when I tell people that, they laugh and don't believe me. But it's true.

And I couldn't care less. It's just not my thing! 

Once, a long time ago in Arby's, I was eating with my sister and this guy came up to me, really shifty-looking.

"Hey," he murmured.
"Hiiiiiii," I said, perplexed.

"You know where," he cleared his throat, "where I can get some herb?"

"Beg pardon?" I squeaked.

My sister rolled her eyes. "No," she told the guy, "we don't, sorry."

And it wasn't til later that she told me what the hell "herb" is, and I felt terribly lame.

And that's all that's on my mind today. Aside from my refrigerator door opening itself occasionally, and the upcoming memorial service for my Grandma, for which my sister loaned me a really nice dress. 

MONDAY tomorrow...

Sarah

Day 25- AQUAMAN

I got my internet back!! I'm not sure exactly what the issue was, but it's fixed now. I sometimes think  of my computer as a live entity, so it's easy to visualize my laptop as being a little sick now and again. Since my problem was an internet connection maybe it's just not doing well socially. A little communal hiccup.

Tonight, my dad, sister, and I went to the El Raton to see Aquaman... in 3D! It was one of the few 3D movies I've seen that the 3D is actually exceptional and really contributes. When we got to the tub where they keep the glasses, my dad got excited because he spotted a bright green pair. He was quite disappointed to learn they were for children and would probably not fit on his head.

The movie had LOTS of action, and some humor, and the female lead looked exactly like Ariel, the Little Mermaid!... which they were probably going for. Oh, and Aquaman was Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones. I liked it a lot! One thing plagued my mind, though. All the badass dudes were hurling around "tridents" but their some of their "tridents" had 4 or 5 prongs. Isn't a trident, by definition, a THREE-pronged spear? Just saying. They didn't have tridents, they had pitch-forks.

Got me thinking!!...as these things do. What kind of superhero would I be? What would my powers be? I'm scared of but fascinated with sharks and I'm not a strong swimmer and I don't like getting my hair wet because it sucks the color out quicker so Aqua-Woman, I am certainly not. Absolutely terrified of spiders, shit. And I don't like Superman's costume, though I like to fly. Just not on airplanes because I'm deathly afraid of airport security. I wouldn't fit in Catwoman's suit, that's for damn sure, not for all the squeezing in the world. I'm not a Norse god. I'm not an angry person so I don't see myself Hulk-ing out. I haven't the money of Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark.

Hmmm.

I guess that leaves me to make my own! How about:

I'm a girl with hair that changes color with her mood, and carries paper with her, always. Because what I write instantaneously becomes real. If I needed a vehicle, I would turn to my paper and write,

"Sarah stepped over to her sleek, black car, the keys already in her hand. The engine growled to life, and could drive faster than the bad guys could. Or the scary police."

And it would be so! *Note I know NOTHING about cars, not even enough to give a brand name*

The words could literally be my shield. I would be immediately equipped with ANYTHING I could imagine. I would be unstoppable! UNTIL

Dun, dun, DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

I ran out of paper! Or had no writing utensil. Or got caught in a downpour and had all my paper turn to a gloppy mess!

Hey. That's kind of cool actually! Thank you, Aquaman, for helping me brainstorm!

Sunday tomorrow! I think I can get some good writing in.

Sarah

P.S. Did ya miss me?

Day 22

Tomorrow is my day off! I need to clean and do laundry. I will probably sleep excessively and read.

One thing's for certain- when I do laundry I won't have any company. Mose is a turd and is apparently afraid of my basement, where my washer and dryer are. He flat out refuses to go down the steps! He sits at the edge of the staircase and whines and barks frantically, like the basement swallowed me up and he'll never, ever, ever, ever see me again. EVER. Of course, he thinks the same thing when I put him in his pen or leave him on my back porch to eat dinner.

He's a worrier! But he can't hold a candle to me. Lately to combat anxiety, I've been obsessively list-making and schedule making. It drives my dad and my sister NUTS because I recite these lists over and over out loud.

But hey, as far as New Year's Resolutions go, I'm golden! I swore I wouldn't be late to work anymore and since the new year began I haven't been late ONCE!!

And that's all I have to say about that.

Sarah

Day 21- Life Hacks

The first day of 2019 is coming to a close! I'll admit, I didn't do much today to ring in the new year. Just.. a lot of sleep! But, seeing as we've got 364 days left of the year, I've got few hacks to make your life this year a little easier. Some of these hacks took me a lifetime to learn, others I've picked up quickly. I just hope they help!

• On dealing with Jehovah's Witnesses. I've had two separate incidents with Jehovah's Witness followers that were helpful. The first, I was in high school and living in town with my mom. But I was sick one day, and my mom was at work. So when they knocked on the door, I, with no interest in hearing about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, did not want to talk. I would have hidden from them entirely had I not been visible from the front door and window. But when they asked if they could come in to talk, I racked my brain and found a wonderful idea.
  "I'm sorry," I told them, myself seventeen years old and adult looking, "my Mother wouldn't like me talking to strangers." And you know what? They were a church... they couldn't argue!
  
  The second time I was living by myself and heard them pounding on my door. Otis, my true savior, began baying at the door. So I cracked it open to see three plump ladies on my front porch. One of their hands shot out with a pamphlet and I took it. It was covered with sad looking people. Uncomfortably, I looked up at the lady who had given it to me.
  "What can you tell me about the people in the picture?" she asked.
  "They're... sad," I managed.
  "They're not with Jesus," she explained. "That's why they're sad."
  "Oh," I said, feeling more than a little uncomfortable. Then, brilliance struck again. I looked at my fat, lazy dog lying on the rug. "Otis," I whispered, "Woogie woogie."
  Since you probably don't know, my mom used to train our dogs to respond to the words    "woogie woogie". She says it and they bark like crazy. So Otis started woofing and howling and, apologetically, I told the ladies, "I'm sorry, my dog doesn't like strangers," then closed the door as politely as I could.
  Good dog. Good dog.
  
• Recycle, look badass. This one I just picked up recently. I finished a bottle of vodka, and instead of throwing it (I'm a total pack-rat, I cannot throw anything away) I just washed it out and use it as an everyday water bottle around the house. I could never take it driving, obviously, but I enjoy sitting on the couch, slamming down water from my Absolut vodka bottle. I feel tough with the liquor bottle and responsible for recycling. Win-win!
  
• When bargaining with dogs... HOTDOGS work wonderfully! Try to teach them tricks and patience and reward them when they are good pups. When dealing with dog hotdogs, just go with the cheapest kind the grocery store has. They are more than ample.
  
• Speaking of training dogs. My aunt taught me a long time ago, when you have a puppy, say a word or phrase like, "Hurry up," when they are peeing or pooing outside. Say it every single time, and they will form the association between word and action. That way, even when they're grown up, just say the words and they'll know to go!
  
• Don't listen to yourself- you DO NEED that book! No harm ever came from buying yourself a book, I promise! It's one of the best presents you can give yourself.
  
• Regarding hair color.  When you're dying your hair crazy colors like I do, take petroleum jelly and  coat your forehead, temples and cheeks with it. It will stop you from staining your skin and looking a bit overzealous with the application. Also, avoid sulfates in your shampoo! They leach out the color faster.
  
• Have trouble waking up? Get a Sonic Boom alarm clock like me!! It's as loud as they come and it has an attachment that vibrates your mattress. Even I can't sleep through that! It's just not falling back asleep that is dangerous. Oh hush, I'm an extreme sleeper, okay?
  
• Naughty dogs? Mose likes to dig trenches under the fence we share with our next door neighbors and their dog, Nacho. Well, when you don't have any other supplies, just plunk your flower pots in the holes! They work great!
  
• RAMENS. Taking one of the easiest foods one step easier? Yes please! If you plan on having ramens in a while, just set them to soak in the pot filled with water. When you're ready do have them, just heat up the water and presto! No annoying waiting for the noodles to soften.
  You're welcome.

Always happy to help, guys!

Sarah

Day Twenty- The Twelve Wishes of 2019

As of a few minutes ago, it is 2019!! In the spirit of the new year, kind of mixed with a classic Christmas carol (12 Days of Christmas), I give you the "Twelve Wishes for 2019!"... just not as catchy as the original! I tried to make it sound classic with the "a-s" and "o's" but they just came across as silly. Forgive me!

For the year of 2019 my 1st wish is for: 1 book a-finished (December 12, 2019!)

For the year of 2019 my 2nd wish is for: a second trick for Mose to be a-learnin' (He just knows sit then shake. Sometimes. Depending on the day.)

For the year of 2019 my 3rd wish is for: 3 cats a-napping, and a-munching, and attackin'

For the year of 2019 my 4th wish is for: good blood draws a-taken every four weeks, with good results!

For the year of 2019 my 5th wish is for: 5 people a-cleanin' my messy house (dare to dream)

For the year of 2019 my 6th wish is for: 6 different hair colors to be a-dyein'

For the year of 2019 my 7th wish is for: 7 days a week a-writin'

For the year of 2019 my 8th wish is for: my 8 tattoos to be a-joined by more some more

For the year of 2019 my 9th wish is for: a-showing up on time or early for 9:00 work. I promise, Dad!

For the year of 2019 my 10th wish is for: get familiar with Elvish like I was 10 years ago

For the year of 2019 my 11th wish is for: the 11 or so books I have a-lined up for readin'

For the year of 2019 my 12th wish is for: 12 months o' happiness and mental health

♪And a partridge in a--------

I mean!

♪And a white dog who is a big dork♪

Sorry it didn't rhyme, that's not my gift!

Sarah

Day Nineteen- To Be a Kept Cat

To Be a Kept Cat.

To be a kept cat is a wretched thing. A life so full of hard decisions and likely turmoil. Stress and danger lurk around every corner of their warm houses full of comfortable couches and beds. One never knows when their next meal is coming- could it be 6:00? 6:30? 7:00??

And with their superior minds, they must decide what to do all day! Should they sleep in the sunlight? Tear around the house like a demon out of hell at 2:00 am? Nimbly explore the kitchen countertops, looking for leftovers? Destroy valuable furniture, old and new? Puke up hairballs as a good-morning gift?

And these same superior minds must deal with.... the humans. The unspeakable slave race. They are good for nothing but serving and catering to the cats' every single need. That and butt scratches. And living scratching posts.

Though they cannot speak, cats can communicate with ease. When they want to! When their human asks, "Oooooh, where's my sweet kitty today?" the cat must decide whether or not to deign, to sink to the human's level. It can be disgusting. Sometimes the cat will decide to answer abruptly-- either a cordial meow and a purr, or a hellish growl like a lawn mower. But often, cats, after lengthy meditation, decide that nothing needs to be said at all, and just flick their tails at the human.

Kept cats must deal with the injustice of being petted when not in the mood, and this can be dangerous for the human. Cats, with their built in weapons (claws, teeth, bunnykick, occasional flatulence) can incur hefty and painful wounds! Imagine humans' ripped hands, bitemarks, tears down forearms! Gas!

But every cat has a softer side... often and strangely at feeding time, but it is there! Sometimes they will bump up against their human, or sleep in bed next to or on top of them. There is shared fun in cat lasers!

Believe me, I know. I'm servant to three! And I'm just playing, Iove my kitties!

Sarah

Day Eighteen- Pretty

I'm not a pretty girl. I'm just not! It's the truth, and certainly no tragedy. My mom and my sister are absolutely beautiful and I... I dunno, it skipped me. I'm overweight, with crater-like scars all over my face. It's been years since the actual acne did all the scarring, but I'll carry them the rest of my life. My eyes are a dull brown. I'm short enough I can't reach tall shelves and despite years of orthodontia, my teeth are not ideal. My nose is long and big, and I've got what some people call a "butt chin" but I don't mind so much... I got my chin from my dad! Some of the un-prettiness is my choosing. I choose to dye my hair crazy colors and get tattoos. Ironically, these "ugly" things make me feel.. good.

Some of my appearance is my fault, and some of it's not. I could definitely eat better and exercise more! But years of high doses of Lithium did the face-scarring, and I'm on Zyprexa, which my psychiatrist nicknamed "The Fat Pill."

Over the years of battling schizoaffective disorder and OCD, I discovered something: when fighting the war of mental illness, your body is the battleground, where the wars are waged. The antispychotic Abilify made me throw up for months. I was fighting hellish mood swings so Lithium took a few chunks out of my face. I was fighting hallucinations and anxiety and the pills stored a lot of extra fat and made me eat more. But, as in any war, sacrifices are made. To this day, when I talk to my doctors about my meds they all agree it is better for me to be healthy, than be physically attractive. Which makes a lot of sense!

But I have found beauty in other, unexpected places. I think my writing can be beautiful, and I love taking photographs of everything. I DO feel pretty when Mose kisses my face and puts his head in my lap, and when Sheldon yells at me so I pick him up, which makes him purr. I feel good inside when I make my sister and my dad laugh, and when I talk to my mom on the phone. I think I'm beautiful on the inside, and I enjoy the beauty of others.

So I will never be most people's definition of "pretty." So what? I'm past it. I put on weird makeup and take selfies all the time. Because it's fun.

And I'm gonna keep dyeing my hair! I want more tattoos! I think my unique brand of beauty will get me somewhere someday. Maybe my writing will boost me up, so millions of people read my words... that's what I dream about, not a flawless face.

So let's embrace ourselves exactly as we are, okay? Believe me, you're beautiful.

Sarah