- On dealing with Jehovah's Witnesses. I've had two separate incidents with Jehovah's Witness followers that were helpful. The first, I was in high school and living in town with my mom. But I was sick one day, and my mom was at work. So when they knocked on the door, I, with no interest in hearing about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, did not want to talk. I would have hidden from them entirely had I not been visible from the front door and window. But when they asked if they could come in to talk, I racked my brain and found a wonderful idea.
"I'm sorry," I told them, myself seventeen years old and adult looking, "my Mother wouldn't like me talking to strangers." And you know what? They were a church... they couldn't argue!
The second time I was living by myself and heard them pounding on my door. Otis, my true savior, began baying at the door. So I cracked it open to see three plump ladies on my front porch. One of their hands shot out with a pamphlet and I took it. It was covered with sad looking people. Uncomfortably, I looked up at the lady who had given it to me.
"What can you tell me about the people in the picture?" she asked.
"They're... sad," I managed.
"They're not with Jesus," she explained. "That's why they're sad."
"Oh," I said, feeling more than a little uncomfortable. Then, brilliance struck again. I looked at my fat, lazy dog lying on the rug. "Otis," I whispered, "Woogie woogie."
Since you probably don't know, my mom used to train our dogs to respond to the words "woogie woogie". She says it and they bark like crazy. So Otis started woofing and howling and, apologetically, I told the ladies, "I'm sorry, my dog doesn't like strangers," then closed the door as politely as I could.
Good dog. Good dog. - Recycle, look badass. This one I just picked up recently. I finished a bottle of vodka, and instead of throwing it (I'm a total pack-rat, I cannot throw anything away) I just washed it out and use it as an everyday water bottle around the house. I could never take it driving, obviously, but I enjoy sitting on the couch, slamming down water from my Absolut vodka bottle. I feel tough with the liquor bottle and responsible for recycling. Win-win!
- When bargaining with dogs... HOTDOGS work wonderfully! Try to teach them tricks and patience and reward them when they are good pups. When dealing with dog hotdogs, just go with the cheapest kind the grocery store has. They are more than ample.
- Speaking of training dogs. My aunt taught me a long time ago, when you have a puppy, say a word or phrase like, "Hurry up," when they are peeing or pooing outside. Say it every single time, and they will form the association between word and action. That way, even when they're grown up, just say the words and they'll know to go!
- Don't listen to yourself- you DO NEED that book! No harm ever came from buying yourself a book, I promise! It's one of the best presents you can give yourself.
- Regarding hair color. When you're dying your hair crazy colors like I do, take petroleum jelly and coat your forehead, temples and cheeks with it. It will stop you from staining your skin and looking a bit overzealous with the application. Also, avoid sulfates in your shampoo! They leach out the color faster.
- Have trouble waking up? Get a Sonic Boom alarm clock like me!! It's as loud as they come and it has an attachment that vibrates your mattress. Even I can't sleep through that! It's just not falling back asleep that is dangerous. Oh hush, I'm an extreme sleeper, okay?
- Naughty dogs? Mose likes to dig trenches under the fence we share with our next door neighbors and their dog, Nacho. Well, when you don't have any other supplies, just plunk your flower pots in the holes! They work great!
- RAMENS. Taking one of the easiest foods one step easier? Yes please! If you plan on having ramens in a while, just set them to soak in the pot filled with water. When you're ready do have them, just heat up the water and presto! No annoying waiting for the noodles to soften.
You're welcome.
Always happy to help, guys!
Sarah
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