To Be a Kept Cat.
To be a kept cat is a wretched thing. A life so full of hard decisions and likely turmoil. Stress and danger lurk around every corner of their warm houses full of comfortable couches and beds. One never knows when their next meal is coming- could it be 6:00? 6:30? 7:00??
And with their superior minds, they must decide what to do all day! Should they sleep in the sunlight? Tear around the house like a demon out of hell at 2:00 am? Nimbly explore the kitchen countertops, looking for leftovers? Destroy valuable furniture, old and new? Puke up hairballs as a good-morning gift?
And these same superior minds must deal with.... the humans. The unspeakable slave race. They are good for nothing but serving and catering to the cats' every single need. That and butt scratches. And living scratching posts.
Though they cannot speak, cats can communicate with ease. When they want to! When their human asks, "Oooooh, where's my sweet kitty today?" the cat must decide whether or not to deign, to sink to the human's level. It can be disgusting. Sometimes the cat will decide to answer abruptly-- either a cordial meow and a purr, or a hellish growl like a lawn mower. But often, cats, after lengthy meditation, decide that nothing needs to be said at all, and just flick their tails at the human.
Kept cats must deal with the injustice of being petted when not in the mood, and this can be dangerous for the human. Cats, with their built in weapons (claws, teeth, bunnykick, occasional flatulence) can incur hefty and painful wounds! Imagine humans' ripped hands, bitemarks, tears down forearms! Gas!
But every cat has a softer side... often and strangely at feeding time, but it is there! Sometimes they will bump up against their human, or sleep in bed next to or on top of them. There is shared fun in cat lasers!
Believe me, I know. I'm servant to three! And I'm just playing, Iove my kitties!
Sarah
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Saturday, December 29, 2018
Day Eighteen- Pretty
I'm not a pretty girl. I'm just not! It's the truth, and certainly no tragedy. My mom and my sister are absolutely beautiful and I... I dunno, it skipped me. I'm overweight, with crater-like scars all over my face. It's been years since the actual acne did all the scarring, but I'll carry them the rest of my life. My eyes are a dull brown. I'm short enough I can't reach tall shelves and despite years of orthodontia, my teeth are not ideal. My nose is long and big, and I've got what some people call a "butt chin" but I don't mind so much... I got my chin from my dad! Some of the un-prettiness is my choosing. I choose to dye my hair crazy colors and get tattoos. Ironically, these "ugly" things make me feel.. good.
Some of my appearance is my fault, and some of it's not. I could definitely eat better and exercise more! But years of high doses of Lithium did the face-scarring, and I'm on Zyprexa, which my psychiatrist nicknamed "The Fat Pill."
Over the years of battling schizoaffective disorder and OCD, I discovered something: when fighting the war of mental illness, your body is the battleground, where the wars are waged. The antispychotic Abilify made me throw up for months. I was fighting hellish mood swings so Lithium took a few chunks out of my face. I was fighting hallucinations and anxiety and the pills stored a lot of extra fat and made me eat more. But, as in any war, sacrifices are made. To this day, when I talk to my doctors about my meds they all agree it is better for me to be healthy, than be physically attractive. Which makes a lot of sense!
But I have found beauty in other, unexpected places. I think my writing can be beautiful, and I love taking photographs of everything. I DO feel pretty when Mose kisses my face and puts his head in my lap, and when Sheldon yells at me so I pick him up, which makes him purr. I feel good inside when I make my sister and my dad laugh, and when I talk to my mom on the phone. I think I'm beautiful on the inside, and I enjoy the beauty of others.
So I will never be most people's definition of "pretty." So what? I'm past it. I put on weird makeup and take selfies all the time. Because it's fun.
And I'm gonna keep dyeing my hair! I want more tattoos! I think my unique brand of beauty will get me somewhere someday. Maybe my writing will boost me up, so millions of people read my words... that's what I dream about, not a flawless face.
So let's embrace ourselves exactly as we are, okay? Believe me, you're beautiful.
Sarah
Some of my appearance is my fault, and some of it's not. I could definitely eat better and exercise more! But years of high doses of Lithium did the face-scarring, and I'm on Zyprexa, which my psychiatrist nicknamed "The Fat Pill."
Over the years of battling schizoaffective disorder and OCD, I discovered something: when fighting the war of mental illness, your body is the battleground, where the wars are waged. The antispychotic Abilify made me throw up for months. I was fighting hellish mood swings so Lithium took a few chunks out of my face. I was fighting hallucinations and anxiety and the pills stored a lot of extra fat and made me eat more. But, as in any war, sacrifices are made. To this day, when I talk to my doctors about my meds they all agree it is better for me to be healthy, than be physically attractive. Which makes a lot of sense!
But I have found beauty in other, unexpected places. I think my writing can be beautiful, and I love taking photographs of everything. I DO feel pretty when Mose kisses my face and puts his head in my lap, and when Sheldon yells at me so I pick him up, which makes him purr. I feel good inside when I make my sister and my dad laugh, and when I talk to my mom on the phone. I think I'm beautiful on the inside, and I enjoy the beauty of others.
So I will never be most people's definition of "pretty." So what? I'm past it. I put on weird makeup and take selfies all the time. Because it's fun.
And I'm gonna keep dyeing my hair! I want more tattoos! I think my unique brand of beauty will get me somewhere someday. Maybe my writing will boost me up, so millions of people read my words... that's what I dream about, not a flawless face.
So let's embrace ourselves exactly as we are, okay? Believe me, you're beautiful.
Sarah
Friday, December 28, 2018
Day Seventeen
I am cold today, so very very cold! And I think a cold is involved. I'm sitting on my couch, socks and slippers on my feet, my got my new sleep pants (Christmas present!) on, my hoodie over my t-shirt, and a blanket, drinking some hot chocolate and I'm just cold.
I'm watching Blow, which I had forgotten is such a good movie. That Johnny Depp, man!
In my last post, I talked about Mosey, and realized that on this blog, I have not yet spoken much about Otis. So, if you are a regular reader, or even know a thing or two about me, you know about Otis already. You probably know the story, the history that she and I shared.
I am going to talk about her anyway.
We celebrate, and I will ALWAYS celebrate, her birthday on April 20th. That's not her real birthday- she was born in May sometime. But April 20th, 2004 was the day of my suicide attempt. It just makes sense to take such an awful day and give it a positive twist! I gotta say, though, this next April 20th is gonna be hard.
'Cause she saved my life. I know that sounds horribly dramatic but it's horribly true. Some--- I can't think of a word bad and bitter enough-- EVIL person abandoned Otis and a couple of her siblings in the wee hours of a bitter cold morning and my Tissy was the only one to survive. I met her when she was a week old and I was twelve. She was young enough she needed to be fed from a bottle every few hours like any newborn, needed to be kept warm and safe and just... loved. I was up for the challenge!
When I set eyes on her, I thought she was the prettiest, most amazing thing I'd ever seen, and I had no way of knowing I was absolutely right. To this day I think she's the most beautiful thing I've ever set eyes on. Just a fuzzy potato in a cardboard box lined with towels, but my heart could see more.
And so, giving me something to live for, a life to care for far more than I cared for my own, it did the trick. I got a life I valued way more than I valued my own. We gave each other life.
She had the softest ears I've ever touched, and my hands memorized the arch of her back, the curve of her tummy. For years she slept with me and both the last thing before bed and the first thing in the morning I did was run a hand down her side, and talked to her. I told her everything. My most trustful confidant.
She lived an incredible 14 years, but it wasn't enough. No length of time would have been enough. But she was sick and hurt and I had to put her down. Talking to her right before was the most important conversation I've ever had in my life. I HAD to let her know that she saved me. I had to tell her thank you. I told her she could play with Grandpa in heaven til I got there. And when her life peacefully ended, I curled up around her in the dirt and grass just like we were going to bed. I ran my hands down her sides like I'd done a million times. I kissed her nose one last time. And I loved her. Oh, I love her.
And I miss her! Every day. New Year's day will be five months.
I just had to get it out of my system- had to tell you about her, how amazing she was, what incredible things she did... since I hadn't covered it on this blog project yet. And how could I write for a year about myself and not mention her?
Anyway, headed to bed soon. My nice WARM bed!
Mose is sleeping on my feet, snoring softly. He's a good boy, and he got to know Otis too. I think he misses her.
Sarah
I'm watching Blow, which I had forgotten is such a good movie. That Johnny Depp, man!
In my last post, I talked about Mosey, and realized that on this blog, I have not yet spoken much about Otis. So, if you are a regular reader, or even know a thing or two about me, you know about Otis already. You probably know the story, the history that she and I shared.
I am going to talk about her anyway.
We celebrate, and I will ALWAYS celebrate, her birthday on April 20th. That's not her real birthday- she was born in May sometime. But April 20th, 2004 was the day of my suicide attempt. It just makes sense to take such an awful day and give it a positive twist! I gotta say, though, this next April 20th is gonna be hard.
'Cause she saved my life. I know that sounds horribly dramatic but it's horribly true. Some--- I can't think of a word bad and bitter enough-- EVIL person abandoned Otis and a couple of her siblings in the wee hours of a bitter cold morning and my Tissy was the only one to survive. I met her when she was a week old and I was twelve. She was young enough she needed to be fed from a bottle every few hours like any newborn, needed to be kept warm and safe and just... loved. I was up for the challenge!
When I set eyes on her, I thought she was the prettiest, most amazing thing I'd ever seen, and I had no way of knowing I was absolutely right. To this day I think she's the most beautiful thing I've ever set eyes on. Just a fuzzy potato in a cardboard box lined with towels, but my heart could see more.
And so, giving me something to live for, a life to care for far more than I cared for my own, it did the trick. I got a life I valued way more than I valued my own. We gave each other life.
She had the softest ears I've ever touched, and my hands memorized the arch of her back, the curve of her tummy. For years she slept with me and both the last thing before bed and the first thing in the morning I did was run a hand down her side, and talked to her. I told her everything. My most trustful confidant.
She lived an incredible 14 years, but it wasn't enough. No length of time would have been enough. But she was sick and hurt and I had to put her down. Talking to her right before was the most important conversation I've ever had in my life. I HAD to let her know that she saved me. I had to tell her thank you. I told her she could play with Grandpa in heaven til I got there. And when her life peacefully ended, I curled up around her in the dirt and grass just like we were going to bed. I ran my hands down her sides like I'd done a million times. I kissed her nose one last time. And I loved her. Oh, I love her.
And I miss her! Every day. New Year's day will be five months.
I just had to get it out of my system- had to tell you about her, how amazing she was, what incredible things she did... since I hadn't covered it on this blog project yet. And how could I write for a year about myself and not mention her?
Anyway, headed to bed soon. My nice WARM bed!
Mose is sleeping on my feet, snoring softly. He's a good boy, and he got to know Otis too. I think he misses her.
Sarah
Thursday, December 27, 2018
Day Fifteen... and Sixteen. Whoops!
I started yesterday's blog last night and dozed off while writing it. I hope that that's not the case for other people reading my blog! I promised I'd write a blog everyday... and wow, I made it a whole two weeks! Anyway, with much ado, MY BLOGS, mushed into one!
I smell nice. Got a new perfume for Christmas and I smell nice! That's all.
I'd like to tell you about my dog, Mose. He proudly bears the name of The Office's Dwight Schrute's cousin. It's quite a burden to bear the same name as the (somewhat famous) beet farmer! But Mose does so with class and sophistication. Kinda. Like his namesake, Mose's intellect is somewhat questionable. Like I mentioned previously, the dog once ate a thumbtack and only knows one trick. But his heart is true!
A few years ago, the shop guys at ACE came across a big white puppy trapped in one of the back sheds. How he had ended up there, and for how long, nobody knew. When the guys approached him, he growled, but when he saw my sister, he melted a little, enough to tell he was a sweetie. Somehow I think we all knew he was meant for me. I still had Otis, but when I looked into his brown eye and his blue eye, I knew he was mine.
I lost Otis almost 5 months ago now, and god I miss her so much. Every single day. But I don't feel so alone with Mose. He'll never be what Otis was to me... nothing ever will. But he will be something different...he has found a way deep into my heart and he's gonna stay there.
He is simple in the way a lot of dogs are- it doesn't take much to make him happy! A car ride, a cheeseburger, an ear rub. He's good friends with our next door neighbor's dog, Nacho. In fact, there have been holes dug underneath the fence and they've both spent time on the other's side of the fence. Naughties!
He pretends to be brave, but little things spook him. The other night at my dad's, my sister was wielding a scary set of tongs, stirring up some pasta. When they clacked together, menacingly, he dove for cover. He slowly ventured back out from behind the couch, and my sister clacked them together again. Panic ensued. But can you blame him? They are pretty creepy.
I love him.
I could lie and say I'll never miss a blog day again but we all know that's destined to be a big, fat lie!
Sarah
P.S. It just occurred to me that I haven't said much about Miss Otis on this blog so she will probably be discussed tomorrow :)
I smell nice. Got a new perfume for Christmas and I smell nice! That's all.
I'd like to tell you about my dog, Mose. He proudly bears the name of The Office's Dwight Schrute's cousin. It's quite a burden to bear the same name as the (somewhat famous) beet farmer! But Mose does so with class and sophistication. Kinda. Like his namesake, Mose's intellect is somewhat questionable. Like I mentioned previously, the dog once ate a thumbtack and only knows one trick. But his heart is true!
A few years ago, the shop guys at ACE came across a big white puppy trapped in one of the back sheds. How he had ended up there, and for how long, nobody knew. When the guys approached him, he growled, but when he saw my sister, he melted a little, enough to tell he was a sweetie. Somehow I think we all knew he was meant for me. I still had Otis, but when I looked into his brown eye and his blue eye, I knew he was mine.
I lost Otis almost 5 months ago now, and god I miss her so much. Every single day. But I don't feel so alone with Mose. He'll never be what Otis was to me... nothing ever will. But he will be something different...he has found a way deep into my heart and he's gonna stay there.
He is simple in the way a lot of dogs are- it doesn't take much to make him happy! A car ride, a cheeseburger, an ear rub. He's good friends with our next door neighbor's dog, Nacho. In fact, there have been holes dug underneath the fence and they've both spent time on the other's side of the fence. Naughties!
He pretends to be brave, but little things spook him. The other night at my dad's, my sister was wielding a scary set of tongs, stirring up some pasta. When they clacked together, menacingly, he dove for cover. He slowly ventured back out from behind the couch, and my sister clacked them together again. Panic ensued. But can you blame him? They are pretty creepy.
I love him.
I could lie and say I'll never miss a blog day again but we all know that's destined to be a big, fat lie!
Sarah
P.S. It just occurred to me that I haven't said much about Miss Otis on this blog so she will probably be discussed tomorrow :)
Tuesday, December 25, 2018
Day Fourteen- Christmas!
Merry Christmas to everyone! I had a really good day. Gave some great gifts, received some great gifts! One of the absolute best parts was talking to my mom on the phone.
Last night I was going to leave out pizza and bourbon for Santa, but I finished them off instead... maybe that's why he only visited me dad and not me! Or maybe it was Mose, my ferocious pup, scaring off the big man! But then again, maybe not. Mose is not the brightest crayon in the box, that's for damn sure, and he gets scared of things like cooking tongs and the smell of whiskey. And I say he's dumb because, well, the dog ate a thumbtack once. He's just not very bright. I try to bolster his self esteem though. I tell him to "Sit! Shake!" and by god about 2 out of 3 times he does, and I tell him oh! how smart he is! How wonderful and brilliant! The third time he just looks at me with his big multi-colored eyes and blinks at me like a cartoon character.
I got a new DVD player for Christmas today, which was impeccable timing, being that my old one hit the dust hard. So, I got it all hooked up and needed to test it out- "Secondhand Lions" was my pick. If you have never seen that movie, I HIGHLY recommend it. I think it's incredible. So! STOP READING HERE if you've never seen in because spoilers are coming.
Watching it makes me think about my grandparents. The big idea the whole time is Walter, the boy, hearing his great-uncles tell amazing, unbelievable stories, about their crazy lives, and kind of wondering if "stories" is all they are, or if these incredible things really did happen. They did! Well, since losing my Grandma so recently, I've had a lot of well-wishers come up to me to give their condolences, and some tell me stories. And oh, the stories I've heard about my Grandpa! And my amazing Granny in Tulsa... they have all lived such amazing lives- it's inspiring. I hope to live a life like theirs.. just my own. They all have changed the world in ways big and small, and NEED to be remembered.
And just an aside, I think the actual lion in the movie, Jasmine, is so achingly familiar to every dog or cat owner, ever. The lazy, fuzzy butt panting in the shade of her crate, rolling around in the cornfield. Not to mention, the 5 or 6 dogs and pig that follow Walter everywhere.
It's just a darn good movie.
Oh, and if you're wondering, NO, I do not torture my dog with liquor. I was drinking some out of a mug the other day (shut up, it was clean! And now my sister gave me an actual Game of Thrones cup!) and he, Nosey Mosey, came up and took a big sniff. He yanked his head back, instinctively, looking troubled. he breathed in deeply, like he was about to sneeze, but then kind of hacked out loud. All this happened in a matter of seconds! I sat there, amused, and after he had coughed up some mucus I slowly extended the cup towards him. WHOOP!! His nose crinkled up and he hurriedly backed up over my empty shoes on the floor. After laughing, I just shrugged. More for me.
I finally got to reveal my Christmas craft for the year! Ahem:
An electrical outlet cover (from ACE!) painted like Edvard Munch's "The Scream"! The idea is that when placed over the outlet, the empty space will be filled with the outlet, HOPEFULLY looking like the scream.
I have nothing to prove it, as I only made them for other people and not myself.
I'm sorry Christmas is over, but it was amazing.
Merry Christmas!!
Sarah
Last night I was going to leave out pizza and bourbon for Santa, but I finished them off instead... maybe that's why he only visited me dad and not me! Or maybe it was Mose, my ferocious pup, scaring off the big man! But then again, maybe not. Mose is not the brightest crayon in the box, that's for damn sure, and he gets scared of things like cooking tongs and the smell of whiskey. And I say he's dumb because, well, the dog ate a thumbtack once. He's just not very bright. I try to bolster his self esteem though. I tell him to "Sit! Shake!" and by god about 2 out of 3 times he does, and I tell him oh! how smart he is! How wonderful and brilliant! The third time he just looks at me with his big multi-colored eyes and blinks at me like a cartoon character.
I got a new DVD player for Christmas today, which was impeccable timing, being that my old one hit the dust hard. So, I got it all hooked up and needed to test it out- "Secondhand Lions" was my pick. If you have never seen that movie, I HIGHLY recommend it. I think it's incredible. So! STOP READING HERE if you've never seen in because spoilers are coming.
Watching it makes me think about my grandparents. The big idea the whole time is Walter, the boy, hearing his great-uncles tell amazing, unbelievable stories, about their crazy lives, and kind of wondering if "stories" is all they are, or if these incredible things really did happen. They did! Well, since losing my Grandma so recently, I've had a lot of well-wishers come up to me to give their condolences, and some tell me stories. And oh, the stories I've heard about my Grandpa! And my amazing Granny in Tulsa... they have all lived such amazing lives- it's inspiring. I hope to live a life like theirs.. just my own. They all have changed the world in ways big and small, and NEED to be remembered.
And just an aside, I think the actual lion in the movie, Jasmine, is so achingly familiar to every dog or cat owner, ever. The lazy, fuzzy butt panting in the shade of her crate, rolling around in the cornfield. Not to mention, the 5 or 6 dogs and pig that follow Walter everywhere.
It's just a darn good movie.
Oh, and if you're wondering, NO, I do not torture my dog with liquor. I was drinking some out of a mug the other day (shut up, it was clean! And now my sister gave me an actual Game of Thrones cup!) and he, Nosey Mosey, came up and took a big sniff. He yanked his head back, instinctively, looking troubled. he breathed in deeply, like he was about to sneeze, but then kind of hacked out loud. All this happened in a matter of seconds! I sat there, amused, and after he had coughed up some mucus I slowly extended the cup towards him. WHOOP!! His nose crinkled up and he hurriedly backed up over my empty shoes on the floor. After laughing, I just shrugged. More for me.
I finally got to reveal my Christmas craft for the year! Ahem:
An electrical outlet cover (from ACE!) painted like Edvard Munch's "The Scream"! The idea is that when placed over the outlet, the empty space will be filled with the outlet, HOPEFULLY looking like the scream.
I have nothing to prove it, as I only made them for other people and not myself.
I'm sorry Christmas is over, but it was amazing.
Merry Christmas!!
Sarah
Monday, December 24, 2018
Day Thirteen
I've been watching Santa's progress on the NORAD tracker all night! At about 12:04 he passed right over us. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE CHRISTMAS! Tomorrow will be great. The only thing that could make it better is if I could hang out with my mom.
I broke down this evening and gave Mosey one of his new presents for Christmas- a chew toy! He's pretty excited.
I'll let you know tomorrow how my Christmas crafts went over!
I'll write longer blogs soon, I promise.
Sarah
I broke down this evening and gave Mosey one of his new presents for Christmas- a chew toy! He's pretty excited.
I'll let you know tomorrow how my Christmas crafts went over!
I'll write longer blogs soon, I promise.
Sarah
Sunday, December 23, 2018
Day Twelve
Christmas Eve Eve! I was just going to bed but realized I hadn't blogged tonight. So dammit, I'm writing a mini-blog, just for the principle of it.
I am ready for Christmas, but I'm not at the same time. I don't want it to be here yet, which is exactly the opposite of how I used to feel when I was little. When I was small I couldn't WAIT for Christmas. Santa was tangible proof that there is magic in this world. It sounds funny but the eaten cookies and empty milk glass was my favorite part of the whole thing. Presents are AWESOME but seeing that Santa had been there and accepted our offering.. somehow that was the most incredible part of all.
And I'm headed to bed! Tomorrow doing the bookwork I have to get my books done before noon to make it to the bank before it closes, so it wouldn't do to be late!
Sarah
I am ready for Christmas, but I'm not at the same time. I don't want it to be here yet, which is exactly the opposite of how I used to feel when I was little. When I was small I couldn't WAIT for Christmas. Santa was tangible proof that there is magic in this world. It sounds funny but the eaten cookies and empty milk glass was my favorite part of the whole thing. Presents are AWESOME but seeing that Santa had been there and accepted our offering.. somehow that was the most incredible part of all.
And I'm headed to bed! Tomorrow doing the bookwork I have to get my books done before noon to make it to the bank before it closes, so it wouldn't do to be late!
Sarah
Day Eleven
Tonight my dad, sister, and I went for a cruise after dinner to check out all the awesome and (in some cases) interesting Christmas lights around town. Let me just say, personally, I was SO PREPARED for Christmas this year that I put my lights up a year ago. It's called dedication... which is rare and undervalued. On our tour around town, pretty frequently we'd drive through a neighborhood and one or more of us would yell, "They got those at ACE!!!!"
It may seem strange to many that I would be so into Christmas, since I'm not the slightest big religious, but I grew up celebrating it and I love it. I kind of disregard the religious aspects and celebrate everything else. I love the time of year and the spirit of giving and the bright lights and driving slowly around Raton's annual City of Bethlehem out of tradition and just the magic of the season, and Santa! Not Santa in person, that's frightening. But the IDEA of Santa is amazing. The Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy COMBINED can't touch him! But I digress. I'm not trying to upset anyone, but, as Sheldon Cooper would lecture, it's also the ancient pagan festival of Saturnalia. It's just an AWESOME time of year! Can't we agree on that?
This will be the first Christmas of my life without my Grandma, and the first Christmas without Otis since I was 12. It will be strange, but I know we will all still have a good day.
My writing project is going okay. The challenge I'm having now is collecting scraps of the story from about five different journals and trying to put them together, in the right places. I keep finding mini-holes and I do my best to patch them. There's a reason a gave myself a year- I'll need it! But when I read a chapter that makes good sense and I enjoy, I just feel GOOD. I feel pleased with myself, and look forward to a whole book of that.
Maybe I'll get a better blog out tomorrow!
Sarah
It may seem strange to many that I would be so into Christmas, since I'm not the slightest big religious, but I grew up celebrating it and I love it. I kind of disregard the religious aspects and celebrate everything else. I love the time of year and the spirit of giving and the bright lights and driving slowly around Raton's annual City of Bethlehem out of tradition and just the magic of the season, and Santa! Not Santa in person, that's frightening. But the IDEA of Santa is amazing. The Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy COMBINED can't touch him! But I digress. I'm not trying to upset anyone, but, as Sheldon Cooper would lecture, it's also the ancient pagan festival of Saturnalia. It's just an AWESOME time of year! Can't we agree on that?
This will be the first Christmas of my life without my Grandma, and the first Christmas without Otis since I was 12. It will be strange, but I know we will all still have a good day.
My writing project is going okay. The challenge I'm having now is collecting scraps of the story from about five different journals and trying to put them together, in the right places. I keep finding mini-holes and I do my best to patch them. There's a reason a gave myself a year- I'll need it! But when I read a chapter that makes good sense and I enjoy, I just feel GOOD. I feel pleased with myself, and look forward to a whole book of that.
Maybe I'll get a better blog out tomorrow!
Sarah
Friday, December 21, 2018
Day Ten
I wrapped Christmas presents tonight. It's.. not my gift. My favorite wrapping strategy is when it's 'from the dogs or cats' and in order to be convincing, I wrap it like a truck ran over it.
But I do the best I can. I think I end up using way too much tape, and when I cut wrapping paper it tears, and when I do several gifts for the same person in a row I try to think of creative names to address that person as. For example, my dad calls me "Turd" so I call him "Turd, Senior." Tonight I addressed one of my sister's presents "To Hogwarts from Westeros."
Today was alright- we exchanged Secret Santa gifts at work and my sister showed me a new internet game. My dad cooked me rice and salmon! And I used rigid collodion and gelatin to make a sort of Harry Potter lightning bolt scar, just because it was fun.
Every year, I do a Christmas craft for a few of my closest family members-- one year, I did personalized mugs (decorated them with the person's initials and my artwork with sharpies) and one year I made magic wands! Obviously I cannot yet reveal this year's Christmas craft, but I will say, it's a weird one. Purely whimsical! I'll share pictures after Christmas.
My sister and I sent our Mama a package the other day,.. I hope she gets it tomorrow!
Sarah
But I do the best I can. I think I end up using way too much tape, and when I cut wrapping paper it tears, and when I do several gifts for the same person in a row I try to think of creative names to address that person as. For example, my dad calls me "Turd" so I call him "Turd, Senior." Tonight I addressed one of my sister's presents "To Hogwarts from Westeros."
Today was alright- we exchanged Secret Santa gifts at work and my sister showed me a new internet game. My dad cooked me rice and salmon! And I used rigid collodion and gelatin to make a sort of Harry Potter lightning bolt scar, just because it was fun.
Every year, I do a Christmas craft for a few of my closest family members-- one year, I did personalized mugs (decorated them with the person's initials and my artwork with sharpies) and one year I made magic wands! Obviously I cannot yet reveal this year's Christmas craft, but I will say, it's a weird one. Purely whimsical! I'll share pictures after Christmas.
My sister and I sent our Mama a package the other day,.. I hope she gets it tomorrow!
Sarah
Thursday, December 20, 2018
Day Nine
Just a quick note tonight, and I might expand on this later, is that I am not religious and I don't really believe in leprechauns or mermaids or things like that, but you know what I believe in? THE BORROWERS!! Little tiny people that move my stuff around and steal --- BORROW-- little bits and pieces. I'm sorry, there's just no other possibility. Things get moved and to bizarre places and dammit there are a bunch of little things I just inexplicably LOSE. Okay, I'll admit it. I'm kind of a slob, so it's easier for me to lose things than clean, organized people. But I'm on to the borrrowers. I know they're around! And it can't be an easy life for them with all my cats. I wish I could communicate with them about what the need. And WHY they need another pen so badly that they steal all of mine. AND LEAVE MY REFRIGERATOR ALONE!
That rant is it for today.
Sarah
That rant is it for today.
Sarah
Wednesday, December 19, 2018
Day Eight
Dear, dear Santa,
Christmas is coming up...as if you didn't know. I know you're busy and all, with less than a week until the big day, so I figured I'd get my list in to you quickly! Thank goodness for email, huh?
Forgive my cynicism, but this IS Santa, right? Not Mrs. Claus or some sort of secretary-level elf? If this is an elf, let me tell you, YOU HAVE RIGHTS! I actually saw this business in Denver once-- is this what Santa does with you in the off season?
Thanks, big guy. And POWER TO THE ELVES!!!!!!
Christmas is coming up...as if you didn't know. I know you're busy and all, with less than a week until the big day, so I figured I'd get my list in to you quickly! Thank goodness for email, huh?
Forgive my cynicism, but this IS Santa, right? Not Mrs. Claus or some sort of secretary-level elf? If this is an elf, let me tell you, YOU HAVE RIGHTS! I actually saw this business in Denver once-- is this what Santa does with you in the off season?
I hope, if this is an elf receptionist, that Santa has worked out some sort of deal with you, sort of like Willy Wonka gives his Oompa Loompas safety and free cocoa beans. I don't know what tickles an elf's fancy. By the way, how distantly are you related to the Lord of the Rings elves? They're beautiful and powerful and magical and kick ass against Sauron. I take it you guys are more peace-loving. Like the Keebler Elves, just making cookies. Hey, whatever floats your boat, bud.
But I digress! Santa! Here is my list:
- PERMANENT bright hair dye. Oh, sure, you can dye it brown as permanently as you please, but pretty bright colors such as my own only last a few weeks. Surely you, Sir Santa, can lend your magic to hair dyeing.
- I would like some sort of vaccine against procrastination... I'd take it eventually.
- I really want Otis back, but I know it's impossible. So Santa, could you give some other 12 year old in bad shape what I had? A life saving puppy.
- I wish I could get tattoos without disappointing my family
- Could you lend me a couple of your elves? It sounds like they'd be delightful house cleaners, and god knows I need those
- WHY CAN'T SOMEONE come up with a delicious vegetable? Well, I know some people like them already. But for ME
- As evidenced by this blog, by next Christmas, I WILL (not asking!) have a very good book manuscript. Could you get me in touch with a publisher?
- The last Game of Thrones season better be EPIC! I have no doubt it will be, but just checking. Although, come to think of it, you don't strike me as a GOT fan. I claim Targaryen as my house, our sigil a dragon, but you're probably more Baratheon. Since I don't think there are many reindeer in Westeros, a stag would have to do.
- Could I go see my mom more often please? Air fair would be wonderful.
- I'll be honest, I'd like some more bourbon and/or vodka
As for naughty and nice, well I've done what I can. As you may recall, when I was ten or so, one night my sister was speaking to her boyfriend on the landline telephone and I interrupted. The little I knew about this boy was that he was a musician and I had just gotten an acoustic guitar and had learned about 4 chords... enough to play "You Ain't Nothing But a Hound Dog," with gusto! So I picked up the phone in my parents' room, set it on the bed and began to play:
[inhale, place fingers on frets correctly, deep breath] "YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A [strum chord loudly] HOUND DOG! CRYIN' ALL THE TIME!" [strum some more, horribly, awfully, ghastly]
I think that incident alone got me landed on the all-time naughty list.
But I have some proof that I am nice a lot of the time:
- I always push my shopping cart back to the return when taking groceries to my car
- I try to be kind and conscientious to others- I always set my phone to vibrate when in a theater
- I don't throw loud parties and disrupt my neighbors
- In fact I'm a bit of a shut in and throw no parties at all
- You know what? My neighbors throw parties and I'm never invited
- I must be lame
- I have naturally occurring guilt that prevents me from wrongdoing.
So, Santa, what shall I leave out for you on Christmas Eve? One year my coworker's grandkids insisted that you would only want buttermilk... I find that hard to believe. I could mix you a mean drink! Or you could have one of my diet Mountain Dews-- they're in the bottom left drawer of my refrigerator. You know what? Help yourself to my kitchen!
And so, Santa, here in a few days we'll be crossing paths and I hope you have some gifts for me. I don't have a chimney so you'll have to get creative.
Thanks, big guy. And POWER TO THE ELVES!!!!!!
Sarah
Day Seven
One week til Christmas! Today I worked on some presents, purchased goods and handmade crafts. The crafts are definitely funner! But I need to start earlier on these projects. I would brag about them to you but not yet... I had fun getting out my craft supplies! Acrylic paints and tape and markers, oh my!
It's definitely my favorite time of year! I love the Christmas songs on the radio and the lights and cool air and just the feeling of the season. I'm not ready for it to be over! So I'm gonna make the most out of the next week.
I talked to my psychiatrist on the phone today for a checkup. She is so nice and caring and understanding.. I'm really lucky to have her to help me. We did have a funny mix up- she asked, I thought, how my dad was doing, and since we just lost our Grandma, I told her that he's having a bit of a rough time but he's okay, and that he was with her when she passed. There was a long pause, and she said, "Really? Your dog?" So yep, Sarah's hearing strikes again... she actually asked about my DOG, Mose.
My blood test this morning went smoothly- I'm on a first name basis with the gentleman who draws my blood and we're friendly since we see each other once every four weeks-- one of my meds works wonders but requires a lot of upkeep. Coincidentally I'm a very good customer at the Medicine Shoppe- they have a reward-points program and I'm on the platinum level. VIP status.
I might do some last minute shopping there... anyone want some burn ointment or sugar free candy?
Sarah
It's definitely my favorite time of year! I love the Christmas songs on the radio and the lights and cool air and just the feeling of the season. I'm not ready for it to be over! So I'm gonna make the most out of the next week.
I talked to my psychiatrist on the phone today for a checkup. She is so nice and caring and understanding.. I'm really lucky to have her to help me. We did have a funny mix up- she asked, I thought, how my dad was doing, and since we just lost our Grandma, I told her that he's having a bit of a rough time but he's okay, and that he was with her when she passed. There was a long pause, and she said, "Really? Your dog?" So yep, Sarah's hearing strikes again... she actually asked about my DOG, Mose.
My blood test this morning went smoothly- I'm on a first name basis with the gentleman who draws my blood and we're friendly since we see each other once every four weeks-- one of my meds works wonders but requires a lot of upkeep. Coincidentally I'm a very good customer at the Medicine Shoppe- they have a reward-points program and I'm on the platinum level. VIP status.
I might do some last minute shopping there... anyone want some burn ointment or sugar free candy?
Sarah
Monday, December 17, 2018
Day Six
It was my birthday today! I've definitely had better, but it was pretty good. I got presents and cards and my dad and sister took me out for lunch, and a bunch of kind people wished me well on Facebook and in person! And now we're just a week away from Christmas, which is always fun.
My dog Mose and I have been at odds lately. Why? Well! The turd kept escaping from my back yard, spending time with the neighbor dog, Nacho, and trying to pick fights with dogs walking past our house! So my dad helped me get him a pen he can't get out of (yet) and he's not too pleased about it. It is a FIGHT in the morning, me chasing him around the back yard while I try not to dwell upon how late I am. I try and trick him with milk bones and try to force him in there but it's no easy task. But I would rather make Mose mad at me than lose him!
This was the first birthday I've had without Otis since I turned 12 and god, I miss her. I miss her so much. And one of the reasons this birthday was a little tough was because my family just lost my grandma, and we miss her too. But it makes me feel good to think that the two of them are together, with my Grandpa, happy. They'll take care of each other.
More blogs later. I'm gonna go to sleep- Clozaril blood test in the morning...and countdown to CHRISTMAS!! Maybe I'll blog a letter to Santa :)
Sarah
My dog Mose and I have been at odds lately. Why? Well! The turd kept escaping from my back yard, spending time with the neighbor dog, Nacho, and trying to pick fights with dogs walking past our house! So my dad helped me get him a pen he can't get out of (yet) and he's not too pleased about it. It is a FIGHT in the morning, me chasing him around the back yard while I try not to dwell upon how late I am. I try and trick him with milk bones and try to force him in there but it's no easy task. But I would rather make Mose mad at me than lose him!
This was the first birthday I've had without Otis since I turned 12 and god, I miss her. I miss her so much. And one of the reasons this birthday was a little tough was because my family just lost my grandma, and we miss her too. But it makes me feel good to think that the two of them are together, with my Grandpa, happy. They'll take care of each other.
More blogs later. I'm gonna go to sleep- Clozaril blood test in the morning...and countdown to CHRISTMAS!! Maybe I'll blog a letter to Santa :)
Sarah
Sunday, December 16, 2018
Day Five
I love the ravenous hunger that keeps me tearing through book after book, devouring the written word, craving the taste of the stories like cravings for different foods. Some books taste sad, some sweet, some very strong, all delicious and addicting. I love when I close the book but the flavor remains, seeping through my consciousness. When I turn off the lights to go to sleep, the characters and stories stay with me, and I savor them.
It's that same hunger that keeps me writing, mixing words and phrases, whipping up new characters and conversations. A good story has a lot of ingredients! They must be measured out carefully in some stories, and in others, measurements aren't needed at all- just throwing in what tastes right.
I have several different stories being written and mixed and cooked in my head at any given moment, tending one after another, never leaving one alone for too long.
The one I'm working on most right now, we will call SC, and it takes place long ago. It may not matter much, but it's lead me to doing a lot of research about the time period. Okay, I'll let out the secret- it's about pirates! But not Captain Hook kind of pirates-- real ones. Real people fighting their own problems and doing some very bad things for lots of different reasons. Humans fighting awful diseases, and finding a sort of family on a ship, especially those with no real family left of their own.
Doing research, I'll let you in on a tidbit- the kind of information I've been searching for is most easily found in children and young adult books! Of course there are adult books about pirates and the times and real people, but it's the kids book that go into interesting factoids like scurvy and female pirates and how awful the lives of the pirates were! I found a few great kids books about living on a ship so long and having to do repairs and running from the law.
In SC, I follow the life of a female who falls into piracy! Of course, it's me writing, so I've thrown in a dash of my own story in there, too. Of all the stories I'm working on, it's the farthest developed, and the one I am most excited about. I've worked on it a little tonight, but I'm about to give up for now. It hasn't been the best few days, and tomorrow is my birthday and it simply would not do to be late for work!
Sarah
It's that same hunger that keeps me writing, mixing words and phrases, whipping up new characters and conversations. A good story has a lot of ingredients! They must be measured out carefully in some stories, and in others, measurements aren't needed at all- just throwing in what tastes right.
I have several different stories being written and mixed and cooked in my head at any given moment, tending one after another, never leaving one alone for too long.
The one I'm working on most right now, we will call SC, and it takes place long ago. It may not matter much, but it's lead me to doing a lot of research about the time period. Okay, I'll let out the secret- it's about pirates! But not Captain Hook kind of pirates-- real ones. Real people fighting their own problems and doing some very bad things for lots of different reasons. Humans fighting awful diseases, and finding a sort of family on a ship, especially those with no real family left of their own.
Doing research, I'll let you in on a tidbit- the kind of information I've been searching for is most easily found in children and young adult books! Of course there are adult books about pirates and the times and real people, but it's the kids book that go into interesting factoids like scurvy and female pirates and how awful the lives of the pirates were! I found a few great kids books about living on a ship so long and having to do repairs and running from the law.
In SC, I follow the life of a female who falls into piracy! Of course, it's me writing, so I've thrown in a dash of my own story in there, too. Of all the stories I'm working on, it's the farthest developed, and the one I am most excited about. I've worked on it a little tonight, but I'm about to give up for now. It hasn't been the best few days, and tomorrow is my birthday and it simply would not do to be late for work!
Sarah
Saturday, December 15, 2018
Day Four
Today sucked. I'm sorry. Just a shitty day. I don't really want to talk about it, so I am going to tell you a tale or two! A tale of time and pain and change and expense and improvement and wax!
Oh, yeah. That's right. We're talking about my dental history.
It all began with a young girl with no teeth. Well! They just took their jolly sweet time coming in, and made the girl's parents worry that she would never develop teeth and they would have the first child with no chompers. But they came! And like the genesis of any superhero, that freakish occurrence gave her superhuman strength... in her teeth!
To this day she has never had a cavity! And at one dental examination, she was personally congratulated by the DENTIST HIMSELF on having such lovely teeth. He remarked, "I can tell your parents don't let you drink sodas!' Little did he know! Haha! The midschool-aged girl actually lived on Snickers and Mountain Dew for lunch.
But you see! We have our heroine, but what of our nemesis?
May I introduce... DR. SCOTT of Pueblo! Our heroine's orthodontist.
So we all know that our heroine's teeth were very healthy, but they were also very crooked and before braces had to wear a method of torture known as... a Herbst device. A deadly appliance that, over time, move's one's bottom jaw forward. I'm not making this up!
Right, so our nemesis simply MUST have a minion, right? Well his was his secretary, who checked patients in at the office. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU if you are dumb enough to walk into an orthodontist's office chewing gum with braces. She went nuts! Luckily, it never happened to our heroine... okay fine! Yes, the heroine was me. And I just saw other people suffer. It's kinda like "howlers" in Harry Potter.
While I never chewed gum around her, I had a scary moment with her once- in a moment of brilliance on my part, I went to a movie and ate Starbursts. Well, one of my brackets broke off! So I had to go have it reglued. My best excuse?
"I'm so sorry, I guess I was brushing too hard."
BULLSHIT ALERT! BULLSHIT ALERT!
But she didn't actually yell at me. Phew!
One of the longest days of my life was the day that they removed my herbst device, pulled several back teeth and put on braces. That day would have been hellish anyway but it turns out when they applied the herbst device way back when, they experimented on me with a new dental glue. A bright, blue, dental adhesive that WOULD NOT COME OFF! They had to chip away at it for hours. I swear, sometimes at dental checkups, the STILL find bits of blue glue.
My time with braces blurs together in my mind in a storm of pain and awkwardness and HOPE. For months I fantasized about having this movie star grin, all straight and white and lovely. Well, I can say this for my teeth... they are absolutely, wonderfully ordinary.
AND SO!!! I, the heroine, beat the conniving teeth-straightener and his scary minion. I beat crooked teeth. And now I can eat sticky candy and gum without feeling guilty.
But in the scene that happens when all the credits are shown, there is a shot of Dr. Scott laughing maniaclly becuase our heroine has lost her RETAINER.
The last bit of orthodontia I'd like to share is when they removed my wisdom teeth. The creeps were coming in sideways! (The teeth, not the dentists) So they knocked me out, dug the teeth out, and when I woke up, I was jumpy. Like, really jumpy. Like, "fall out of the dental chair, run down the hall and trip your way through the lobby while you are chased" jumpy. I still don't know why.
Well, here's to tomorrow! May it be a better day, and may my readers tell me YOUR tooth stories.
Sarah
Oh, yeah. That's right. We're talking about my dental history.
It all began with a young girl with no teeth. Well! They just took their jolly sweet time coming in, and made the girl's parents worry that she would never develop teeth and they would have the first child with no chompers. But they came! And like the genesis of any superhero, that freakish occurrence gave her superhuman strength... in her teeth!
To this day she has never had a cavity! And at one dental examination, she was personally congratulated by the DENTIST HIMSELF on having such lovely teeth. He remarked, "I can tell your parents don't let you drink sodas!' Little did he know! Haha! The midschool-aged girl actually lived on Snickers and Mountain Dew for lunch.
But you see! We have our heroine, but what of our nemesis?
May I introduce... DR. SCOTT of Pueblo! Our heroine's orthodontist.
So we all know that our heroine's teeth were very healthy, but they were also very crooked and before braces had to wear a method of torture known as... a Herbst device. A deadly appliance that, over time, move's one's bottom jaw forward. I'm not making this up!
Right, so our nemesis simply MUST have a minion, right? Well his was his secretary, who checked patients in at the office. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU if you are dumb enough to walk into an orthodontist's office chewing gum with braces. She went nuts! Luckily, it never happened to our heroine... okay fine! Yes, the heroine was me. And I just saw other people suffer. It's kinda like "howlers" in Harry Potter.
While I never chewed gum around her, I had a scary moment with her once- in a moment of brilliance on my part, I went to a movie and ate Starbursts. Well, one of my brackets broke off! So I had to go have it reglued. My best excuse?
"I'm so sorry, I guess I was brushing too hard."
BULLSHIT ALERT! BULLSHIT ALERT!
But she didn't actually yell at me. Phew!
One of the longest days of my life was the day that they removed my herbst device, pulled several back teeth and put on braces. That day would have been hellish anyway but it turns out when they applied the herbst device way back when, they experimented on me with a new dental glue. A bright, blue, dental adhesive that WOULD NOT COME OFF! They had to chip away at it for hours. I swear, sometimes at dental checkups, the STILL find bits of blue glue.
My time with braces blurs together in my mind in a storm of pain and awkwardness and HOPE. For months I fantasized about having this movie star grin, all straight and white and lovely. Well, I can say this for my teeth... they are absolutely, wonderfully ordinary.
AND SO!!! I, the heroine, beat the conniving teeth-straightener and his scary minion. I beat crooked teeth. And now I can eat sticky candy and gum without feeling guilty.
But in the scene that happens when all the credits are shown, there is a shot of Dr. Scott laughing maniaclly becuase our heroine has lost her RETAINER.
The last bit of orthodontia I'd like to share is when they removed my wisdom teeth. The creeps were coming in sideways! (The teeth, not the dentists) So they knocked me out, dug the teeth out, and when I woke up, I was jumpy. Like, really jumpy. Like, "fall out of the dental chair, run down the hall and trip your way through the lobby while you are chased" jumpy. I still don't know why.
Well, here's to tomorrow! May it be a better day, and may my readers tell me YOUR tooth stories.
Sarah
Friday, December 14, 2018
Day Three
I had a pretty frightening experience today, and I'm proud of how I handled myself.
I ran into Santa Claus.
I had to run to the bank for work and they were having their Christmas celebration! There were cookies and punch and there was an "Ugly Sweater" contest and they were taking entries from a drawing later and at 3:00 there would be a piano recital! I missed the recital by about half an hour and I can't decide if I'm disappointed or relieved. Over the course of several months, I have been to the bank very, very often for work so I know most everybody there. The clerk who helped me today looked a bit frazzled, put her hands on the counter palm down and told me under her breath, "You timed it really well! Once the recital starts you'd have to park in the back!" Apparently it's a pretty big deal.
But I missed the music and I digress anyway.
Santa Claus was also at the bank party! There was a velveteen love seat he was lounged on. If that wasn't creepy enough he kept booming with mirth and he had an arm around someone.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
(sound of record scratching)
Let me give you a little background! I inherently distrust adults dressed up as other things. Especially clowns; clowns are the worst. They're creepy and you get the distinct feeling that if you don't cheer up and be happy they will murder you in your sleep. Ugh.
But! Santa is one such figure. Now, I like the idea of Santa Claus. And when I was little there was NOTHING more magical then coming downstairs Christmas morning and seeing Santa had been there. As I got older, things got more complicated, as these things do. I found injustice in forced elf labor and actually wrote Santa a concerned letter about it. My parents read it and laughed in a way I didn't understand. I grew older and all my fellow classmates already knew the truth because their parents had confessed. But I held on to the notion! I don't want to tell you how long I believed in him; it's kind of embarrassing.
But as much as I loved the idea of Santa, having him there, in a bright suit that looks like it would be uncomfortably hot to wear, was scary. It's like how some people are uncomfortable with psychiatrists- 'They must be sizing me up!" Well, what do you think Santa is doing?? He has a naughty/nice detector built in. Add that with my naturally-occurring guilt (My Mom says part of it is being Scottish), and the whole situation is... the best word that sums it up is 'sweaty.' Sweaty about being judged, sweaty for admitting what my heart desired for Christmas, and the greatest sweatiness of all!! Having to sit on his lap. A COMPLETE STRANGER. It goes against everything we are taught from a young age!
I wish I could go into more detail about sitting on Santa's lap but the truth is it didn't happen often to me. I can be very willful, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna go hug some strange guy.
So when I saw Sir Claus at the bank today, my heart fluttered a little in a fight or flight instinct but I kept mostly calm. Over years of self-training in the art of avoiding dressed up adults, I've found:
I ran into Santa Claus.
I had to run to the bank for work and they were having their Christmas celebration! There were cookies and punch and there was an "Ugly Sweater" contest and they were taking entries from a drawing later and at 3:00 there would be a piano recital! I missed the recital by about half an hour and I can't decide if I'm disappointed or relieved. Over the course of several months, I have been to the bank very, very often for work so I know most everybody there. The clerk who helped me today looked a bit frazzled, put her hands on the counter palm down and told me under her breath, "You timed it really well! Once the recital starts you'd have to park in the back!" Apparently it's a pretty big deal.
But I missed the music and I digress anyway.
Santa Claus was also at the bank party! There was a velveteen love seat he was lounged on. If that wasn't creepy enough he kept booming with mirth and he had an arm around someone.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
(sound of record scratching)
Let me give you a little background! I inherently distrust adults dressed up as other things. Especially clowns; clowns are the worst. They're creepy and you get the distinct feeling that if you don't cheer up and be happy they will murder you in your sleep. Ugh.
But! Santa is one such figure. Now, I like the idea of Santa Claus. And when I was little there was NOTHING more magical then coming downstairs Christmas morning and seeing Santa had been there. As I got older, things got more complicated, as these things do. I found injustice in forced elf labor and actually wrote Santa a concerned letter about it. My parents read it and laughed in a way I didn't understand. I grew older and all my fellow classmates already knew the truth because their parents had confessed. But I held on to the notion! I don't want to tell you how long I believed in him; it's kind of embarrassing.
But as much as I loved the idea of Santa, having him there, in a bright suit that looks like it would be uncomfortably hot to wear, was scary. It's like how some people are uncomfortable with psychiatrists- 'They must be sizing me up!" Well, what do you think Santa is doing?? He has a naughty/nice detector built in. Add that with my naturally-occurring guilt (My Mom says part of it is being Scottish), and the whole situation is... the best word that sums it up is 'sweaty.' Sweaty about being judged, sweaty for admitting what my heart desired for Christmas, and the greatest sweatiness of all!! Having to sit on his lap. A COMPLETE STRANGER. It goes against everything we are taught from a young age!
I wish I could go into more detail about sitting on Santa's lap but the truth is it didn't happen often to me. I can be very willful, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna go hug some strange guy.
So when I saw Sir Claus at the bank today, my heart fluttered a little in a fight or flight instinct but I kept mostly calm. Over years of self-training in the art of avoiding dressed up adults, I've found:
- AVOID EYE CONTACT AT ALL COSTS
- Do not show extremes in mood-- too happy? They want to hug you. Too upset, they want to hug you.
- If they insist on speaking, keep your answers clear and succinct. Don't let them think you are having a good time.
- Be the weird kid that makes the adult uncomfortable.
HO HO HO!
Christmas Carol Night Two was this evening! My Dad came to see it so I snuck over and sat with him. Everybody was great, again!
I didn't do much writing today, I will admit. I got home after 9:00 and was feeling tired so I watched Frasier and ate my dinner.
Tomorrow night, I promise!
Sarah
Thursday, December 13, 2018
Day Two
Tonight was the opening night of Christmas Carol and it went really well! There was a good crowd and there were no major mistakes. And one other thing... it now has me in the Christmas spirit! This is my very favorite time of year, but so far I haven't been truly enjoying it this year. The lights are beautiful and I love the music and I like the cool weather, but now I feel more cheerful!
Tonight I was mentally reviewing Shuler productions I've been a part of-- there are several!-- but one stood out in particular. I want to say it was the summer between fifth and sixth grade... Hansel and Gretel! Every year Raton has a company, Missoula, come through, and they take a week and put together a children's show of a classic fairy tale. Well! When I heard it was Hansel and Gretel I immediately wanted the part of the evil witch. It just sounded fun. However! One of the two Missoula directors played the part in every show, which was disappointing. But I tried out and gave it my all- when they asked me my age, I cheekily (well, I was going for "cheeky" but it came out very staged) hollered out with the inflection of a poor public speaker, "I'm as old as you want me to be!" Well, by god, that cheeky answer got me a part! I was one of eight "Witch's Assistants." We spoke in verse! God knows why but I still remember one of our spiels... the witch called for us and we pranced on stage, and sunk to our knees as we spoke line by line:
Assistant One: "We're coming, your badness!"
Assistant Two: "We're on our way!"
Assistant Three: "We're here to do..."
Assistant Four: "Whatever you say!"
Assistant Five: "We worship, we grovel..."
Sarah: "We fall to our knees!"
Assistant Seven: "We're willing to do.."
Assistant Eight: "Whatever you please!"
Cutesy, I know. Oh, I know. You wanna know something else "cutesy"? We assistants had another, smaller part, and my cheeks still burn when I think about it.
We were the gingerbread men, and we did a little dance. Oh, forgive me, a ballet. We wore these atrocious suits of vomit-brown corduroy and did little twerpy steps around the stage while the rest of the cast and audience howled with laughter. Maybe it WOULD have been cutesy if it were a bunch of five year olds but we were all caught in the midst of puberty! Hell, Assistant Three's VOICE was changing!
Over the years, I discovered I just might not be right for acting. That's why I stick to backstage work! One year for "Miracle on 34th Street," I got to work up in the lighting booth which was pretty awesome. I got to use the the spotlight! Truth be told, I wielded it like drunken or seasick sailor but most of the time I got it on target.
This summer my sister was in charge of a Western Vaudeville, and that was a lot of fun! I got to flaunt my madd piano skillz by playing a bizarre collection of songs I learned in my 4th grade piano lessons.
As far as performing goes, I think music is more my style... back when I was in a few metal bands, we played some shows and they were pretty awesome. My one regret? When I headbang a lot I get dizzy and almost fall over, and people laugh.
I did a little bit of tweaking on my writing project tonight. I was thinking about it during intermission. You know what? Instead of saying "writing project" let's call it SC, its initials. Are you intrigued?
Bwahaha!
Sarah
Tonight I was mentally reviewing Shuler productions I've been a part of-- there are several!-- but one stood out in particular. I want to say it was the summer between fifth and sixth grade... Hansel and Gretel! Every year Raton has a company, Missoula, come through, and they take a week and put together a children's show of a classic fairy tale. Well! When I heard it was Hansel and Gretel I immediately wanted the part of the evil witch. It just sounded fun. However! One of the two Missoula directors played the part in every show, which was disappointing. But I tried out and gave it my all- when they asked me my age, I cheekily (well, I was going for "cheeky" but it came out very staged) hollered out with the inflection of a poor public speaker, "I'm as old as you want me to be!" Well, by god, that cheeky answer got me a part! I was one of eight "Witch's Assistants." We spoke in verse! God knows why but I still remember one of our spiels... the witch called for us and we pranced on stage, and sunk to our knees as we spoke line by line:
Assistant One: "We're coming, your badness!"
Assistant Two: "We're on our way!"
Assistant Three: "We're here to do..."
Assistant Four: "Whatever you say!"
Assistant Five: "We worship, we grovel..."
Sarah: "We fall to our knees!"
Assistant Seven: "We're willing to do.."
Assistant Eight: "Whatever you please!"
Cutesy, I know. Oh, I know. You wanna know something else "cutesy"? We assistants had another, smaller part, and my cheeks still burn when I think about it.
We were the gingerbread men, and we did a little dance. Oh, forgive me, a ballet. We wore these atrocious suits of vomit-brown corduroy and did little twerpy steps around the stage while the rest of the cast and audience howled with laughter. Maybe it WOULD have been cutesy if it were a bunch of five year olds but we were all caught in the midst of puberty! Hell, Assistant Three's VOICE was changing!
Over the years, I discovered I just might not be right for acting. That's why I stick to backstage work! One year for "Miracle on 34th Street," I got to work up in the lighting booth which was pretty awesome. I got to use the the spotlight! Truth be told, I wielded it like drunken or seasick sailor but most of the time I got it on target.
This summer my sister was in charge of a Western Vaudeville, and that was a lot of fun! I got to flaunt my madd piano skillz by playing a bizarre collection of songs I learned in my 4th grade piano lessons.
As far as performing goes, I think music is more my style... back when I was in a few metal bands, we played some shows and they were pretty awesome. My one regret? When I headbang a lot I get dizzy and almost fall over, and people laugh.
I did a little bit of tweaking on my writing project tonight. I was thinking about it during intermission. You know what? Instead of saying "writing project" let's call it SC, its initials. Are you intrigued?
Bwahaha!
Sarah
Wednesday, December 12, 2018
Day One
Hello everybody! How expensive is a dead battery?
NO CHARGE
Haha! Now that that's done, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Sarah Record. Record the noun, not the verb. If that helps. Now if you already know me, you may be scratching your heads, saying, "That Sarah. Doesn't she already have a blog?"
Why, yes I do, thank you for noticing! It is located here:
Sarah's First Blog
But I have... a plan. [Insert mental picture of someone pressing their fingertips together deviously.] A plan that may sound silly or impossible or just impractical. A plan that may make little sense.
I want to write a book.
I know you are gasping for air, fanning yourself with a copy of The National Geographic, and clutching your bosoms. But now hold up! Let me give you some background first.
I got the idea from the film "Julie and Julia," which, I must confess, I've been watching a lot lately. Like, over and over. And I'm a terrible, terrible cook. I just like it, okay? Anyway. SPOILER ALERT!!! Julie Powell decides to cook her way through Julia Child's cookbook, "Mastering the Art of French Cooking," in one year's time, and chronicles it all in a blog. I thought... I could do that. To quote Julie in the film, "I could write a blog. I have thoughts."
Now, to write a blog about writing sounds a tad odd, I'll give you that. But I wanna try it. I know I have the other blog, but I want to save it for good occasional, thoughtful posts. The goal of THIS BLOG is to write every single day, without fail. It might be paragraphs and paragraphs or it might be two sentences. I intend for it to be a semi-journal, just talking about what's going on in my life, and giving you updates on the progress of my book. It's true, I already have some written. Hell, I have bits and pieces of about five different books right now! I just have to get everything together and focus, focus, focus. This sounds kind of full of myself, but rereading what I have written.... it makes me proud. Excited. I really think I can do this. And I am giving myself a year to get it done. I'll be honest, last year it was my New Year's Resolution and I didn't keep up with it like I should have. But, to the day, I have 365 days to get it done. Maybe not done done. Not for sale on shelves. Just.. something I can give to my loved ones to test it out. December 12th, 2019.
It's doubtful, but if you are reading this and don't know me, reading my other blog would be the best way to get to know me, but it is kind of massive. So I will give you some tidbits about myself!
NO CHARGE
Haha! Now that that's done, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Sarah Record. Record the noun, not the verb. If that helps. Now if you already know me, you may be scratching your heads, saying, "That Sarah. Doesn't she already have a blog?"
Why, yes I do, thank you for noticing! It is located here:
Sarah's First Blog
But I have... a plan. [Insert mental picture of someone pressing their fingertips together deviously.] A plan that may sound silly or impossible or just impractical. A plan that may make little sense.
I want to write a book.
I know you are gasping for air, fanning yourself with a copy of The National Geographic, and clutching your bosoms. But now hold up! Let me give you some background first.
I got the idea from the film "Julie and Julia," which, I must confess, I've been watching a lot lately. Like, over and over. And I'm a terrible, terrible cook. I just like it, okay? Anyway. SPOILER ALERT!!! Julie Powell decides to cook her way through Julia Child's cookbook, "Mastering the Art of French Cooking," in one year's time, and chronicles it all in a blog. I thought... I could do that. To quote Julie in the film, "I could write a blog. I have thoughts."
Now, to write a blog about writing sounds a tad odd, I'll give you that. But I wanna try it. I know I have the other blog, but I want to save it for good occasional, thoughtful posts. The goal of THIS BLOG is to write every single day, without fail. It might be paragraphs and paragraphs or it might be two sentences. I intend for it to be a semi-journal, just talking about what's going on in my life, and giving you updates on the progress of my book. It's true, I already have some written. Hell, I have bits and pieces of about five different books right now! I just have to get everything together and focus, focus, focus. This sounds kind of full of myself, but rereading what I have written.... it makes me proud. Excited. I really think I can do this. And I am giving myself a year to get it done. I'll be honest, last year it was my New Year's Resolution and I didn't keep up with it like I should have. But, to the day, I have 365 days to get it done. Maybe not done done. Not for sale on shelves. Just.. something I can give to my loved ones to test it out. December 12th, 2019.
It's doubtful, but if you are reading this and don't know me, reading my other blog would be the best way to get to know me, but it is kind of massive. So I will give you some tidbits about myself!
- I was born on December 17th, 1991 and I was 17 days late.
- I have schizoaffective disorder and OCD and you can be damned sure you'll hear about it if you read my everyday blog.
- I have a bizarre blood condition called "Evan's Syndrome" and thanks to it, I've had ALL KINDS of trouble.
- I'm a clerk at our local (family owned) ACE Hardware, and I also do bookwork.
- I have three black cats, and even if I WAS superstitious (I'M NOT) I figure the whole "bad luck" thing is somehow cancelled out by sheer numbers
- I have a dog named Mose and he is a turd that I love very, very much.
- This year I lost my very best friend and dog, Otis, and I miss her everyday... so hard my heart literally aches and I feel a sinkhole in my heart.
- When I was 12 I attempted suicide and survived it. I owe a lot to a lot of people for keeping me going all these years.
- My best friend is my sister, Elizabeth. She is smart and beautiful and funny and puts up with my craziness.
- My mama lives in West Virginia and I miss her every day. I wish I could apparate like in Harry Potter. Or use a portkey or Floo Powder or something! I'd say broomstick but I've no doubt I'd get lost.
- My dad and I are very close and have the same temperament and sense of humor. We call each other 'turd' all the time.
- When I grow up, I wanna be a WRITER
Now that you know a bit about me, I will start writing for real!
I had a pretty good day today, partly because tomorrow is my day off! Tomorrow is also opening night for... "A Christmas Carol"!!! At the Shuler, of course. We've been practicing for months now. Well, "we" is sort of unclear. I signed on as prop master, which I did pretty decently. But I've been... I was gonna say a "jack of all trades" but somehow that implies being handy and being able to solve lots of problems and that doesn't describe me at all. I've been doing odd jobs! I've made about 200 copies of lines and sheets of music and I help set up and occasionally I try to be a badass and tell the loud little kids to hush. I just.. have no real authority. But tonight I sat in the audience and kept notes... not too much! I think it will be a great show.
I sit here on my peeling, black couch, swilling water our of an old Absolut Vodka bottle. I'm wearing slippers and really old "Guitar Hero" sleep pants and an ACE T-shirt that has white Mose-fur all over it. My hair is tangled and in just about every color you can imagine. I'm having a few "Cat Cookies", found at Trader Joe's. They aren't for cats! They're chocolate and delicious. As my mom always says, "Any flavor, 'long as it's chocolate."
I love this time of year. I got in the spirit and plugged in my Christmas lights that have actually spent the year up. They still work!
I'd say it's time to work on my book!
I hope you'll keep coming to read me even if what I write isn't particularly stimulating. I won't send out daily Facebook posts... that sounds like a good way to get unfriended.
Sarah
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